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Character Quotes

Bob Saget

Bob: I just got divorced. Ex-wife got the house in the Palisades. No biggie. I got four other houses. I don't give a shit.

Bob: Who do you think's more recognizable, you or me?

Bob: I flew in this stuff from Colombia on my own private jet. Sandinistas don't know shit about overthrowing a government but I'll tell ya, they sure do grow some fine herb.

Scotty: What you do not know about me is that I am 24/7. That is my middle fucking name: Scotty 24/7 Lavin. What that means is that every time you turn around, anywhere, anytime, you will be looking at this.
Bob: That's just great, Scotty. That's just what I wanna be looking at while I'm sniffing a line of blow off her ass: your fucking face. That really completes the image. Do you believe that, Scotty? Cause if you believe that, you'll believe the commission check's in the mail, too.

Bob: I used to live next door to these guys. The puss that rolled in and out of there made my house look like a monastery.

Bob: We're gonna sit here until I comprehend why you blew me off for lunch.
Eric: Oh, come on, it wasn't personal.
Bob: You know what was personal? I got blown by two girls last night. And in the middle of it, some guy comes home and says, "what are you doing with my wives?" Wives! Mormon shit. I'm serious.

Bob: I called you four times this morning and you ignored me.
Eric: I just walked in the door, Bob. You were going to be my first call.
Bob: You think if I call you four times it could maybe be something important? I don't call anybody four times in a row unless I'm trying to fuck them.