Eric: So what are you saying? You want me to make your decisions for you?
Vince: I don't know, I can't decide.
Vince: Look, breaking up is painful. That's why I never do it. I mean why hurt someone when you can just let it drag on forever?
Shauna: Fuck spontaneity. Well-dressed, well-prepared... that's what makes you a star.
Vince: You wanna write that down for me just in case I forget?
Jimmy Kimmel: So, let's talk about the movie. It comes out this weekend...
Vince: I don't wanna talk about the movie.
Jimmy Kimmel: You don't wanna talk about the movie...
Vince: Well, it's a mystery. I wouldn't wanna give anything away.
Justine: I think I want you to be my first.
Justine: Yeah, but you're really gonna have to work for it.
Vince: Work? Come on. I got into this business so I don't have to work.
Eric: What if they want you to sign something?
Vince: Come on, E. Who forges my signature better than you?
Eric: I think we should go to dinner before the party. There's some stuff I wanna talk to you about.
Vince: Some stuff? What do you mean "stuff?" Sounds weird.
Eric: Nah, it's nothing weird.
Vince: Listen, E. You're not coming out of the closet, are you? Cause you know I like long legs.
Vince: You're telling me you're willing to fuck up our friendship? If this doesn't work out, there's no turning back. My best friend I can't fire, but my manager... is replaceable.
Eric: Yeah, that's a chance I'm willing to take.
Vince: Yeah, at 5% of me I'd take that chance too.
Eric: 10%. Plus health insurance.
Turtle: Vince, does his new title allow him to yell at me all the time?
Vince: Yeah, that was in his deal. Sorry.
Vince: You know what I think? I think I would rather quit the business than to do more shit that I don't love. I mean, I've done that. You know what, and it sucks. You know, I was only partially joking about Neil LaBute, Ari. I'll go do a play. I'd rather do a play than this bullshit. Don't forget I came from nothing, and as much as I love all the toys, I really don't need them.
Vince: Look... you tell someone you cheated if you want to break up with them. Otherwise it's just a selfish way to get rid of your own guilt.
Turtle: Well said, Vince.
Realtor: Craftsmans are very hot right now, Vince. I just sold one to that actor from Smallville.
Vince: Where's Smallville?
Alan: We want you in the Warner family, Vince.
Vince: I'm all about family, John. In fact, after seeing your 200 foot yacht in last month's Robb Report, can I call you "Dad?"
Vince: No way I'm gonna be on a seventy foot screen looking like an underwater Elton John.
Eric: You can't afford this house, Vince.
Vince: Can't afford anything we have. Never stopped me before.
Vince: I mean, do I like, owe you money now?
Staci: Don't be an asshole, Vince. I'm not a hooker.
Vince: Good. Because I've never paid for sex and I'm not looking to start. Although you'd be worth every penny.
Vince: You may wanna work on calling Emily back. She left three messages.
Eric: Yeah? What am I gonna say? I'm an idiot? I shouldn't have promised you the print of a movie I can't get?
Vince: I like the idiot part.
Ari: Chaing Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong. Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from.
Vince: Cool. Guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best.