S02E10, The Bat Mitzvah
Eric: I mean, how can I trust anything you say anymore?
Vince: How can I trust you? You're the one eavesdropping. I should have Gavin de Becker come sweep the house for bugs.
Turtle: Seriously, do we need to wear suits?
Eric: What else are you gonna wear to a Bat Mitzvah, Turtle? A Knick jersey?
Turtle: It's formal... I was thinking home whites.
Terrance: You know, she saw Johnny Depp in Platoon when she was eight years old and she said, "Dad, that's the guy to watch."
Ari: You showed her Platoon when she was eight years old?
Terrance: Oliver did. He wanted feedback.
Turtle: I'm fucking starving!
Drama: You know how much food is going to be at this thing? You eating now would be like jerking off an hour before fucking a supermodel.
Turtle: If I was fucking a supermodel, I would jerk off. That way I can go all night.
Turtle: $3,000 suit just to line up some pussy, huh, E?
Drama: It's a good investment. McQuewick's got to be worth $100 million easy. You buying that suit is like buying Microsoft in the '80s. That's if you can get the girl.
Turtle: Seriously, E. If this one breaks your heart, just kill yourself so we don't have to hear about it.
Drama: I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you.
Eric: Look, I had a connection with this girl. So, what, she's just gonna flip to Vince?
Turtle: You have a 25-mile lead in a marathon. Once Vince laces up his shoes, it's over.
Melinda: You look fabulous. Being a housewife certainly agrees with you.
Mrs. Ari: And playing a raging bitch on TV certainly agrees with you. You're so natural.
Melinda: Well, if you hadn't quit acting at 25, it might have been your hit TV show.
Ari: You look great, E. What'd you do, uh, raid the boys department at Macy's?
Eric: You look pretty good too. You auditioning for Guys and Dolls?
Ari: Let's get this party started, huh? DJ Quik. Everybody dance.
Mrs. Ari: What about the blessing and the lighting of the candles?
Ari: What more boring way to kill a party than to get 30 people up here and light a fucking candle?
Mrs. Ari: You are being ridiculous.
Ari: I'm being ridiculous? That's exactly what you said at the Bill and Ted premiere when Terrance said, "I'll take Keanu, you take the other guy."
Mrs. Ari: Ari, you've idolized Terrance since you were twenty years old and you've let him take advantage of you ever since. So stop it now.
Ari: You're right, baby.
Mrs. Ari: Just be a man.
Ari: "Just be a man?" Really? You give me the whole heartfelt pump up speech, then you say, "just go be a man?" Come on.
Terrance: Technically, he is your client. But this is my agency.
Ari: And I'm a fucking partner.
Terrance: Well... I've had more than a few partners. Not all of them have lasted. Enjoy your evening.
Turtle: We know. You're talking to former addicts.
Drama: Weed is a gateway drug, son. One day you're lighting up in full view of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next you're cruising Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.
Kid: Which one of you did that?
Vince: Eric's the best. He's got good values, smart, loyal... I highly recommend him. Although, right now he's probably mad at me cause he thinks I'm out here working you.
Sloan: What? You didn't tell him I don't date actors?
Vince: How would I know that?
Sloan: I told you that at the Christmas party when you were working me.