Character Quotes

Ari Gold

Ari: They drive that way in Tiananmen Square, bitch?

Ari: I got to know what you think so I can get you to think what I think.

Ari: You a communist? Or are you a socialist? Or didn't they teach you the difference at Pepperoni U?

Ari: You wanna hug it out?
Eric: No, not really.
Ari: Let's hug it out, bitch.

Jessica Alba: Can I think about it?
Ari: Don't think. Thinking is bad for your complexion.

Ari: Tell him I don't represent talent. I represent temperature and he's not hot.

Ari: I had video sex with an Ecuadorian girl this morning.
Eric: I hope she was 18. Federal offense if not.
Ari: She had big teeth and a sarong. That's all I remember, baby.

Ari: No tequila? Tara Reid steal it? Let's get into it, we gotta celebrate!

Ari: You're on fire, baby, we gotta get your next movie. Wanna do Hindenburg? Script's comin in. It's like Titanic on a blimp.

Fiona: Come on, there's plenty of protein in mung-beans.
Ari: No, no, I'm talking about real protein. I mean like man protein, you know, from the flesh of slaughtered animals. I wanna have war paint and I want blood dripping. That's what I need.

Fiona: Have you seen a video of a slaughterhouse, Ari?
Vince: Meat is murder.
Ari: Even broccoli screams when you rip it from the ground.

Eric: Yeah, well I read it. You didn't even know about it.
Ari: Oh, I knew about it. You think that you knew about it and I didn't know about it? You think there's anything in this fucking universe that you know about that I don't know about?

Eric: I've asked you ten times now. Why isn't the deal for Queens Boulevard done yet?
Ari: Because there is no offer. Why is there no offer? Because there's no money. No money means it's not a real movie which means it's just a bunch of fuckin words on a page.

Ari: That's why no more guys. You fire a guy and you create a rival, you fire a woman and you create a housewife.

Ari: Hold all my calls and get mini-Vince on the phone.

Ari: Saturday grab the boys. I got the floor seats.
Eric: Really?
Ari: Yeah. Twenty-four hundred bucks a pop. You're gonna be sitting on Jack's lap.

Ari: You know Joshy, here? I don't know if you guys know but he used to be my assistant.
Josh: That was a long time ago, Ari.
Ari: What, fourteen months, that ain't that long. He used to make the best hazelnut latte. He was like a chemist in there working. Just like Mommy made.

Ari: When I'm done with you, you're going to be repping sideshow freaks. You need "Jojo the Dog-Faced Bitch Boy?" Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface.