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Character Quotes

Billy Walsh

Billy: Making a movie is like going to war. And as we've all learned, you don't go to war underprepared and underfinanced.

Billy: What attracted me to this project? Well, that's easy... it was the blood.

Billy: I'm telling you all right now that if another cell phone rings while professional artists are trying to work, the person responsible for that distraction will be dragged into town and sold as a drug mule.

Billy: Why's that door red?
Set Decorator: I thought it popped.
Billy: Popped? How am I going to see blood splatter on a red door, fuckwad? Change it.

Billy: What, does Turtle check your balls for lipstick when you get home or something?

Billy: What do you think of the trailer?
Eric: The little I saw of it looks amazing.
Billy: It looks even better on replay. Take this home and finger yourself to it, Suit.

Eric: I thought we agreed to wait for Sundance.
Billy: Fuck the dance. Been there, done that. I'm going to Cannes and coming home with a Palme d'Or and a Cote d'Azur tan.

Billy: Vince, he hated the movie, he was wrong, and now he's trying to sabotage it no matter what it does to you.
Eric: Fuck you.
Billy: No, fuck you. You suck at your job, you got a Napoleonic complex, and I'm gonna fuck your mother if I ever meet her.

Vince: You know, Eric has the toughest job out of the three of us and he'll probably get the least amount of credit.
Billy: Yeah, but he's the smallest so he doesn't need as much credit as big people.
Eric: Then again, my ego isn't half as big as Billy's. Shit, Simon Cowell's ego isn't as big.

Ari: Vince stuck his neck out for you and now you are fucking him. And the studio. They are going to fuck you right back.
Billy: They can't touch me.
Ari: They can sue you and make sure that you never make a movie in this town again.
Billy: Well good thing I paint.

Drama: They love Viking Quest in France.
Billy: What the hell is Viking Quest?

Eric: You still got that Pablo Escobar tattoo on your back?
Billy: Nah, I had it scraped off with a Bowie knife in a ritual smokehouse ceremony.

Billy: Just imagine how your plight as a misunderstood gorilla can move countless angry men.

Billy: Vince and your body double down the hall there were doing a little sniffle sniffle at the party the other night.
Eric: Come on, you're lying.
Billy: Just don't let it get back to me. All I do is try to avoid conflict.

Scotty: How did you get all these girls here so quickly?
Billy: I went around to a bunch of NA, AA, whatever A meetings I used to attend. Told them Vince Chase was dry and lonely.

Billy: An addict, unlike most people, once they start drinking, smoking, or doing whatever it is they're addicted to... it's impossible for them to stop. The compulsion is too strong. I, myself, cannot even have one sip of beer.
Drama: Why? What would happen?
Billy: After about a week, I'd be holed up in my grandmother's house with my penis tied off looking for a vein.

Scotty: Who's he?
Billy: He's a guy who sucks... who was forced down my throat against my wishes. And he's doing a bad Dice impression.
Phil: He's good. He's... very, very good.
Billy: He sucks and now the show sucks. And I hate everyone.

Billy: An officer is gonna escort you into the bathroom, hand you a sealed cup, and watch you open it and piss into it.
Vince: How closely is he gonna watch?
Billy: Close enough to identify a freckle on your cock.