Character Quotes

Eric "E" Murphy

Emily: Have you ever tried Nicorette?
Eric: I did. I tried it but I couldn't follow the instructions.

Turtle: You should call her, Vince. It's destiny. Besides, she has got a great ass.
Eric: Oh yeah, that's a great idea, Turtle. Have her catch a ride out here with the Kevorkian guy from Michigan who wants Vince to kill him.

Vince: I told you. I don't wanna see the movie. I can't watch myself again.
Drama: I love watching myself.
Eric: Too bad the audience doesn't.

Turtle: What if I pay my own way?
Eric: Oh yeah? How you gonna do that, you gonna sell a kidney?

Turtle: I mean what kind of girlfriend won't come see you while you're away working?
Eric: The kind of girlfriend that's in school.
Turtle: I went to school, all right? How hard is it to cut out on that shit?
Eric: Not that hard when you're headed for a GED, Turtle.

Shauna: You sound like a fuckin moron, you know that?
Eric: Yeah, thanks, Shauna. You know, it's weird. Your eyes, they look black in this light.

Drama: Let me get this straight... she convinces you to get these extravagant accommodations... and then she bails?
Eric: She didn't bail. She got sick. Before the date, unlike your girls who get sick when they arrive.

Turtle: You can go to the mansion in Underoos and still get laid, Vince.
Eric: Yeah and you could go wrapped in bearer bonds and still not get laid, Turtle. Put the fuckin pajamas back.

Ari: The good news is I just sold Playboy TV to North Korea. Kim Jong-Il loves Night Calls. The bad news is your boy Drama will not be joining us.
Eric: You know, Ari, you carry about as much weight as Lara Flynn Boyle.

Billy: Guess what?
Eric: What? You finally showered?

Drama: Mieles are awesome, Vince. They go from 0 to 400 degrees in four seconds. And they have a roast probe, which is nice to have.
Eric: Yeah... how have we lived this long without a roast probe?

Drama: Speaking of which, are you going to give me cash or Vince's black card cause there's a couple more things I might need.
Eric: What do you wanna do now, Drama? Do you wanna get your ears pinned back?
Drama: No, I'm gonna need a new set of kitchen knives, dickface. These blades are for shit. You know Vince likes his tomatoes sliced paper-thin.

Ari: Eric. I got the cash you wanted.
Eric: Oh yeah? What'd you dust off your tranny gear and hit Santa Monica Boulevard?

Turtle: 500 grand a day? We should do a hundred of these a year. That's $50 million. Take the other 265 days off.
Drama: That's better than a teacher's schedule.
Vince: What do you think, E? No more movies. No more critics.
Eric: Yeah, why be a movie star when you can be an international spokesperson?

Drama: What do I get? In Palm Springs I had a king size bed all to myself.
Eric: Yeah, he tried to bang a bunch of senior citizens but he's a non-closer.

Vince: I don't know. What if I get divorced? Paying alimony would be a killer.
Turtle: Nah, Vince, cause they don't get half. They only get an eighth.
Eric: They get a ninth, moron, or else Vince would get left with nothing.
Vince: Good looking out, E. You're always saving me money.

Turtle: You were driving when Vince was 7? How fucking old are you, Drama?
Drama: 31. Get off my ass.
Eric: 31, Drama? Yeah, in dog years maybe.

Drama: So how are those seats?
Ari: They're nosebleed. Just like you like em, right?
Drama: "Floor level or bust." That's my motto.
Eric: I thought it was, "will act for food."