Character Quotes

Eric "E" Murphy

Eric: I don't want you gettin involved. All right? Sloan's family hates me enough as it is. The only thing you're gonna do is make it worse.
Vince: How can I make it worse?
Eric: Well, I don't know. But a guy who's gettin married to a girl after 24 hours probably isn't the best guy to take advice from.

Drama: Call him up and try to smooth it over.
Eric: I did call.
Drama: What did he say?
Eric: He said his foreskin was more supportive than we are.

Phil: I just, I just - I want to convince him.
Eric: All right, I'll try, but Drama hasn't spoken to me in two days.
Phil: Over getting him a greenlit show? He really is nuts.
Eric: Yeah, wait til you try to renegotiate season three with him.

Turtle: You're not even listening to me.
Eric: I heard every word you said, Turtle, not one of which I like.
Turtle: Why not?
Eric: Because Vince isn't going to be the face of some tequila company. He's not Aunt Jemima.

Drama: You an ass virgin, E?
Eric: Yeah, Drama. Unlike you, my ass remains untouched.

Vince: Hop on, E. I'll give you a ride. I want to show your boy Lavin my bike anyway.
Eric: No, Vince. I'm not sitting on that weird little seat and wrapping my arms around you.

Turtle: He better hurry. I've got to meet my accountant in an hour.
Drama: You mean Vince's accountant.
Turtle: I pay him.
Eric: Yeah, on layaway.

Eric: This script sucks.
Drama: Positivity, E. I need it.
Eric: I'm positive these all suck.

Vince: You can't be afraid to try new things, E.
Eric: If it would get me a break from this, I'd go swimming with sharks.

Ashley: Who is Rupert Pupkin?
Eric: It's, uh... he's the guy I've been seeing on the side... I'm kidding. It's Vince's alias.
Ashley: His alias?
Eric: Yeah, he can't be calling people and "Vincent Chase" comes up. It's from King of Comedy.

Drama: Maybe the girl you were with set it up.
Eric: Set what up?
Drama: Fantasy rape scene, perhaps?
Eric: Is that what your girls do, Drama? Tie you up and strap one on?

Drama: Johnny Chase is about to get a love interest.
Eric: Mail order bride?
Drama: On the show, wiseass. And don't be bitter just because I'll be spending the day test driving the lips of some of Hollywood's finest actresses to find my match.
Turtle: We won't be bitter but they might.

Eric: He's gonna show up on set and he's not gonna know how to drive.
Drama: They got stunt doubles for that. Making him get his license is for insurance purposes.
Eric: He's playing Enzo Ferrari, Drama. He needs to know how to drive a car.

Eric: I know he can do this. Please. Just take a look at the scenes.
Gus: So you're kinda desperate?
Eric: That doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Sloan: You don't have a girlfriend?
Eric: Actually... I have a fiancee. Getting married in June... I'm only kidding. I just wanted to see if you still cared.
Sloan: Can you tell if I do?
Eric: I don't know. I probably should have let it sit there for a little while longer.

Turtle: Nice! I like Jason Patric.
Drama: You know, when he was doing Rush, he stuck real needles in his arm to prep. That's what inspired me to do real coke when I did the Menendez brothers movie.
Eric: Weren't you an extra on that?

Turtle: Is it that ridiculous?
Eric: You fucking a martian is less ridiculous, Turtle.

Eric: What are you doing, Drama?
Drama: Just taking precautionary measures. Economy class is a killer that counts the blood clot as a friend.
Eric: And you're gonna prevent one by blowing yourself?