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Character Quotes

Eric "E" Murphy

Ari: You look great, E. What'd you do, uh, raid the boys department at Macy's?
Eric: You look pretty good too. You auditioning for Guys and Dolls?

Drama: You should've started dating her next week, bro. Could've saved yourself some coin. I remember I broke up with Stacy Laruzso a week before Valentine's Day. I got back with her a week after. No chocolates, no roses -
Eric: No class.

Turtle: Whose whole family is of Sicilian ancestry?
Eric: You're grandmother ran numbers out of a deli, Turtle. You're far from a made man.

Ari: What'd you and Terrance talk about, anyway?
Eric: Oh, he offered me your job. I turned him down cause your office is too small.

Vince: Robert Nitch is Mandy's favorite artist.
Eric: I thought Beyonce was.
Vince: Don't be mean to Mandy just because you're mad at me.

Ari: It is 9:30. Do you know where your only client is?
Eric: What are you, testing out the new emergency asshole system, Ari?

Vince: What are we if we're not family?
Drama: Just four guys who are a little too old to still be living together.
Eric: Yeah, one guy who's way too old.

Eric: Personally, Vince, I think it's your ego. Your big fuckin movie star ego. You could've had Mandy thrown off this movie but you had to prove that you could get her back. You can't stand the fact that she left you because no one ever has. But you know what? I will leave you before you fuck me up.

Eric: If this movie opens at 50 million, we're all working at Del Taco come Monday.

Drama: This is inhuman.
Turtle: I guess it's true what they say. The heat really does affect the elderly.
Eric: Seriously, Drama, cause I haven't seen somebody sweat like that since Patrick Ewing retired.

Turtle: This dinner's even better than the one you took us to when you signed Vince.
Ari: E wasn't around for that one, you know? He's making up for lost time... ordering three different types of caviar.
Eric: Until I see your credit card, you're still a dine and dash candidate as far as I'm concerned.

Turtle: Didn't they ship him off to rehab for Vicodin addiction?
Ari: Hey, moron, he's 13.
Drama: In celeb years that's like 30.
Eric: So what's that make you, Drama, like 140?

Vince: E, what are you being a dick for, huh?
Eric: I'm not being a dick. I just don't trust him.
Vince: You don't like that he calls you E. coli?
Eric: It's Ebola, and no, it's got nothing to do with that.

Drama: Oh! In the hole! Just like Tiger at Sawgrass.
Eric: More like my six-year-old niece at Nunley's.

Eric: Look, I went down there for no other reason than to say that I'm sorry and apologize for cuddling or spooning or whatever, Drama. It was unintentional. It was an accident.
Drama: Freud says there are no accidents.
Eric: Hmm. You guys crossed swords during your threesome. Accident?

Studio Rep: And with this version we will attract a much broader audience. Isn't that what making movies is all about?
Eric: Well, actually it's an art film. The only way you know it's good is if most people hate it.

Seth: Oh, it's Vinnie Chase and the Chasers! Let me get a couple more Jager shots for the boys from Queens over there.
Eric: No thanks.
Seth: Whats the matter? You don't drink, Eric?
Eric: I drink Vodka, Seth. I stopped drinking Jager in high school.

Drama: I judge an agency on four categories: decor, service, amenities, and ambiance. Give up to ten points for each category. The agency with the highest overall score wins. I originally devised it for my visits to day spas but it's perfectly applicable.
Eric: Yeah, I'm sure there's a direct correlation between Vince's career and your anti-aging regimen, Drama.