Johnny "Drama" Chase
Drama: Don't sign that, Vince. They screwed it up. They got your eye color wrong.
Vince: It's black and white.
Drama: They look brown to me.
Drama: Fucking models. If they were any good they'd be working in New York.
Premiere Girl: Are you really Vince's brother? Y'all don't look very much alike.
Drama: Yeah, I get that a lot. Because I have a lot less body fat.
Eric: The only person you ever loved is yourself.
Drama: What's not to love?
Eric: We had breakup sex, all right?
Drama: Breakup sex? Never heard of it.
Eric: Yeah, I mean, you know... you have sex and then that's it. You say "goodbye."
Drama: That's the only kind of sex I have.
Turtle: I thought he quit.
Drama: Cigarettes, not pussy.
Vince: You know, I haven't been on a real date since high school.
Drama: Yeah, that's because nobody dates in LA, Vince. It's a waste of time.
Turtle: And money.
Drama: LA lives between two and five AM. You take a lap through the talent pool, catch and release.
Turtle: Where's Tanya?
Drama: Doing push-ups in the mens bathroom for all I know. I'm done with that girl.
Turtle: Do you guys not see the problem here? Vince said she was staying a couple of nights, all right? A couple's two.
Drama: Except in Utah.
Drama: Look, she's already got him wearing cloth shoes.
Vince: These are my slippers, idiot.
Drama: How'd she look?
Turtle: Good enough to eat I bet, huh?
Drama: Too bad Vince can't eat animal products anymore.
Drama: Did you see the picture of the swami in the bathroom?
Vince: It's her guru.
Drama: Yea, well I don't like the way he looks at me when I'm pissin.
Eric: What is this stuff? Is it wheat or is it grass?
Vince: Whatever, it's good for you.
Drama: Nah, I don't trust this shit. I lived on this stuff in '93. By the end of the year I was sleeping standing up.
Adam: So, uh... what have you been doin lately, John? You workin at all?
Drama: I've been workin steady for the last twelve years minus the last three.
Adam: Well, I'll fight for ya, but I can't lie. It's not gonna be easy to get you back in the game.
Drama: Back in the game? I am the fucking game, pal.
Drama: You ever jerk off with a belt around your neck?
Turtle: Pssh. No. Should I?
Drama: Sounds interesting.
Eric: Look, this guy's a pretentious prick, Vince. You don't wanna make this movie with him.
Vince: Oh, sorry. You don't really know artists. You haven't hung out with a lot of them.
Drama: Yeah. We're very sensitive.
Drama's Date: Rain Man was gay?
Turtle's Date: He wasn't gay, he was just retarded.
Drama: Either way. You play gay or retarded, you win an Oscar.