Character Quotes

Johnny "Drama" Chase

Turtle: Ooh... wow. I'm a little emotional.
Drama: Yeah, me too. We better find somethin to fuck in Paris.

Turtle: A little help? I am a millionaire now, you know.
Drama: I don't care if you're a billionaire, Turtle. You'll always be a valet to me.

Turtle: Wow, Drama. You swore on your career?
Drama: I had my balls crossed.

Turtle: I don't know what to say.
Drama: Say "thank you," you dumb fuck.

Drama: Look. I know that a woman of your stature may have preconceived notions about a guy like Vince, but you should know, especially after interviewing him, he's not just some actor. He's smart. Maybe not John Hopkins kind of smart, but he's smart. More importantly, he's a friend and a brother, and the best I know of both.
Sophia: It's very sweet of you to look out for him.
Drama: Well, that's all he does for me, so I owe him.

Dice: You believed when you came into this you had the right goal, right?
Drama: Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just a crazy self-sabotager like my therapist says.

Phil: I don't wanna make your ego any crazier.
Drama: That's not possible.

Scotty: Says here weed can stay in your system for up to 90 days and sometimes as little as five days.
Turtle: Depending on what?
Scotty: Every person's different.
Drama: I can naturally secrete any substance from my body in 36 hours or less.

Drama: Guy's got a weak constitution. If he has to relive the carnage, who knows?
Turtle: He's right. I might throw up.
Scotty: Hold on. I thought you guys were like... from the hood.
Drama: His mother and auntie coddled him.

Drama: You're not gonna separate them, right?
Officer: Why would I?
Scotty: Don't mind him. He's seen way too many episodes of Law & Order.
Drama: Been on more than I've seen, actually.

Scotty: What do brains look like?
Turtle: They're gross. Like mashed up spaghetti and meatballs.
Drama: They used kosher egg noodles and cottage cheese when I got shot in the head in New York Undercover.

Vince: What happened? Are you all right?
Eric: Yeah. All good. Sloan's moving to New York.
Drama: Wow. Poor guy must fuck like dogshit.

Eric: What do I do about Sloan?
Drama: Well, I'd get my shit out of there before she works herself up to into an Elin Nordegren state.

Vince: I was thinking, since Billy did such a great job on Johnny's show, we should give him the first shot at this. What do you think?
Eric: I like it.
Drama: I love it. The guy knows my voice like Scorsese knows De Niro's.

Vince: Did you guys get caught up in that whole mining disaster? Fifteen guys stuck underground for a month.
Eric: Yeah, in Chile. It was like a year ago.
Vince: This wasn't Chile. It was Romania.
Drama: These things happen bi-monthly.

Turtle: I don't normally have performance issues.
Drama: Yeah, you perform as often as Led Zeppelin.

Billy: You seem angry, Drama.
Drama: I've always been, Billy. Only now I'm drunk, too.

Drama: I was on a series six months ago and haven't had an offer since. Correction - Dos Equis asked me to be the least interesting man in the world.