Character Quotes

Johnny "Drama" Chase

Turtle: I thought you don't pay for sex?
Drama: I'm not payin for sex. I'm payin her rent, jerkoff.

Drama: Hey, Billy, I gotta tell ya - loved your movie.
Billy: Yeah, you told me that already, man.
Drama: Yeah, but this time I actually saw it.

Turtle: So who you gonna invite to the party, E? Emily or Kristen?
Drama: I say invite em both, let em duke it out in a steel cage match. Winner takes all.

Turtle: Vince ain't got no weaknesses.
Drama: That's a double negative.
Turtle: Huh?
Drama: You just said he's got weaknesses.

Turtle: You know, you act like a priest for three months, the least a girl could do is service you.
Vince: That is a little selfish, E.
Drama: Had I shown up and Kristen was missing a leg I still would have taken care of business.

Drama: A bigwig like Ari should have a hot assistant to look at.
Vince: Johnny, some people probably think he is hot.
Drama: Yeah, well I ain't one of them people.

Drama: When finally fucking your own girlfriend, one should travel in style.

Drama: I'm like the tide, baby. I come and go as I please.

Turtle: That's not confessing, all right? That's rubbin it in her face. Good for you, E.
Drama: Nah, you shoulda held out. Made her stew in her own guilt until it broke her.

Vince: Listen. Why don't you call Leanna tonight? Take her out. You're a free man now.
Eric: Nah, man, forget that girl. The only reason she was with me is cause I'm your manager.
Turtle: So? Do you know how much pussy I got in this town that I didn't deserve?
Drama: All of it.

Turtle: You sat at Hugh Hefner's table?
Drama: Yeah. During the Melrose years.
Eric: Don't you mean the Melrose months, Drama?
Drama: Not if you count reruns, dickhead.

Shauna: Lemon water and lettuce, Drama? You disgust me.
Drama: It's all part of my two-day pre-mansion regimen. I gotta look lean for the ladies.
Turtle: Why don't you just sleep in Saran Wrap like you did when you were on the wrestling team?
Drama: Yeah, I sucked weight in a sauna suit. And if you behave yourself, Turtle, I might just put you on my program.

Drama: You know, Vince. Wearing a costume can be very liberating as an actor. You remember how much I enjoyed being a Power Ranger.
Turtle: You were a Power Ranger on City Walk, Drama. You were trying to get people to change their long distance plan.
Drama: So? Still liberating.

Turtle: I live three doors down from the cast of America's Next Top Model and I ain't gettin laid? It's the worst cold streak ever.
Eric: Turtle, a cold streak implies that you were once hot.
Vince: Go easy on em, E, come on. Even A-Rod goes on a bad run sometimes.
Drama: Yeah, but even when A-Rod's slumpin, he's still gettin pussy.

Drama: Turtle, if you can't get laid here, turn your dick in.

Drama: Yeah, I remember my first national commercial.
Eric: Oh, what was that? Valtrex?
Drama: Yeah it was. So fucking what? It got me my Fiat. Plus I got a blowjob from the makeup girl who put my sores on.

Turtle: You're really gonna wear that color like you earned it, huh?
Drama: What are you talking about? I earned this belt. In fact I went as high as a green. I just like to wear the yellow cause it makes my eyes pop.

Vince: Hey, E. You sure Cameron's comin? I don't see his name on any of these signs.
Eric: Ah, it's in the bag. Probably cleaning the wings of his 767 right now.
Drama: Yeah or maybe he's got some new vehicle that burrows its way through the center of the Earth.