Johnny "Drama" Chase
Eric: Do you think the night before a Mormon wedding the guy says "how am I gonna sleep with the same eight women for the rest of my life?"
Drama: Hey, I've been married. Lovin one girl right is tough enough. Lovin eight would be impossible.
Drama: Four hours long and they cut me out of the whole fucking movie.
Alejandro: But the line you spoke was delivered with such angst, Johnny.
Drama: Thank you, Alejandro. I do have an abundance of that.
Turtle: How do they not have Fruit Loops?
Drama: You can't get anything in Malibu because it's impossible to get deliveries.
Eric: You make it like we're in the Far East, Drama.
Drama: Trust me, I know Malibu. One second there's no Fruit Loops, the next a mudslide is slinging a 400-pound boulder through your dining room.
Drama: This is kind of embarrassing. Sometimes I wake up in the morning fully tented. Any advice?
Dr. Joyce Brothers: Well, at your age, consider yourself lucky.
Drama: My age? How fucking old do you think I am?
Vince: Rufus, you don't like the shirt?
Drama: Vince, that shirt dulls the sparkle in your eyes. If I was you, I'd go with blue Faconnable. It says, "hello, I'm here, and I'm doing fine without ya."
Drama: Vanessa Angel. She did three eps of Viking Quest and then they just gave her the shitbag spinoff. She's been riding the Viking Quest wave for a decade.
Turtle: So have you.
Eric: Didn't Angel Quest run five times longer than Viking Quest?
Drama: Yeah, but only because she showed her tits in Playboy.
Turtle: $3,000 suit just to line up some pussy, huh, E?
Drama: It's a good investment. McQuewick's got to be worth $100 million easy. You buying that suit is like buying Microsoft in the '80s. That's if you can get the girl.
Turtle: We know. You're talking to former addicts.
Drama: Weed is a gateway drug, son. One day you're lighting up in full view of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next you're cruising Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.
Kid: Which one of you did that?
Vince: Well, look what we have here.
Turtle: We were about to start hanging signs on trees.
Drama: Yeah. "Miniature Irish Setter. Answers to the name of E."
Vince: Hopefully this will make up for the last birthday we spent together.
Drama: Unless you ran her dog over, I'm guessing it might.
Drama: I'm telling you, once your car's been stolen, it never runs the same again. It's like a guy sleepin with your girl. He leaves his mark all over it.
Vince: And how does a car know it's been stolen?
Drama: Ask the Buddhists, bro. They believe everything's got a soul. Even a toaster oven.
Turtle: You know what my pops used to say?
Drama: "I wish I had a daughter?"
Eric: You better forget gold and check out something in silver, Drama.
Drama: No, bro. Silver doesn't read on my skin.
Drama: It's 7:35am in Senegal... and 7:53 in Tikrit.
Eric: Minutes don't change, Drama. Only the hour.
Drama: Yeah, like you've ever been to Tikrit.
Turtle: He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in.
Drama: Yeah. His tears will basically act as a lubricant.
Drama: Christ! Look at the man-gina on this guy.
Vince: Johnny, what was wrong with her?
Drama: She was top tall, bro.
Turtle: What the fuck is top tall?
Drama: Torso's too long, leg's are too short. She was inverted.
Turtle: Look at these two... the one on the left's from the 50 Cent video.
Drama: Ooh... video hos. I love it.