Character Quotes

Lizzie Grant

Ari: You'll have to excuse my abruptness, but this is a win-win situation and I don't want to waste your time with small talk.
Lizzie: That's what I'm here for.

Ari: I'm preparing a nice severance package for you. You don't want me angry when I'm writing you a check, do you?
Lizzie: No, I don't. What I want you to do is shove that severance package up your fucking ass.
Ari: If you were my daughter -
Lizzie: If I was your daughter I would blow my fucking brains out!

Ari: Lizzie Grant! I didn't know that you ate here.
Lizzie: Well, I know you don't eat here cause you don't like, and I'm quoting, "eating with all the pussy-ass bitch agents."

Ari: A writer's assistant on a sitcom once sued for inappropriate talk. It went to the Supreme Court. Do you know what they told her? They told her that the writers can talk about gangbanging her all day long as long as they don't do it.
Lizzie: I know the case. They're creative. You're certainly not. So you can talk about gangbanging all day, but you're the only one who's gonna get fucked.

Ari: If you were gonna send the tapes, you would have sent them already.
Lizzie: Who knows? Maybe five years from now I might be going through a nasty divorce and I might displace my anger at all men towards you.