Lloyd: Greed is no longer good, Johnny.
Drama: This isn't about greed, Lloyd. It's about doing good work.
Lloyd: Well, you could be doing good work at a dinner theater in Boca Raton, Florida, if you don't get back to work.
Ari: You still wanna be head of the TV department?
Lloyd: I would let you pull out all my fingernails with pliers for the honor.
Ari: You pregnant?
Lloyd: I'd never carry a baby after all the hard work I put into this body.
Ari: Why don't we start the day off with some hugs and kisses? Everyone except for you and me, Lloyd. That ain't happening.
Ari: What? I thought it was very courteous of me to not want to get him excited.
Lloyd: Don't make me retain counsel, Ari.
Lloyd: I always imagined a double teaming would be more fun than that.
Lloyd: Ari has always been gracious and lovely, fair and reasonable. This has been a dreamlike job from minute one.
Attorney: And would you say that if you were under oath facing a perjury charge and possible jail time?
Lloyd: Oh, God, I can't do time, Ari! I don't think anybody in my family could. I'm sorry!
Lloyd: Don't tell me what to do! And don't you dare let yourself be convinced that I betrayed you! You abused me, and you won't ever again. But I will work myself to the bone so that someday I will be in a position to abuse you. You're not so smart. How could you be if you actually believed I would ever work for you again?
Lloyd: Johnny, Melrose Place will not stop calling me. They like you. Like Sally Field, they really, really like you.
Lloyd: Johnny, you've been my one client for over two years, and I will continue to treat you like you're my only client for the rest of your career. Will Ari? I will be devastated if I lose you, Johnny Drama. You think Ari will even care? I believe in your talent. Does Ari? Or does he want you because he doesn't want to piss off Vince? Or does he want you just so he can piss me off? This is the first day of the rest of your life. What do you want?
Ari: I trust you heard that Adam Davies was promoted to the head of his talent department.
Lloyd: I did and I was preparing to send him feces.
Turtle: Sup, Lloyd?
Lloyd: Hello, Mr... Turtle.
Lloyd: You're drinking in the middle of the day?
Ari: Yeah, well, they do it on Mad Men all the time and they're pretty successful.
Lloyd: That was in the '60s. By the time they get to season four in the '70s, they'll all have liver and heart disease.
Ari: Did you know that my father was very strict?
Ari: Yeah. He berated me and he pushed me and he insulted me. And it made me feel very insecure and lost. But I became a man... my own man. And now I berate and I push!
Lloyd: I've noticed.
Andrew: I feel like a douche.
Lloyd: Andrew, my voice must be heard. You do not look like a douche. You look like a powerful, handsome new Miller Gold partner.
Ari: You stick with me, Andrew, and that won't be the last offer you have for a blowjob today.
Andrew: What, is Barbara Miller some kind of a fashion guru?
Lloyd: Not if you ask me, she isn't. When I think of Barbara Miller, the first thing I think of is way too much skin.
Ari: Wow. You sold me out.
Lloyd: Oh, go ahead and be mad, but I've grown four new ulcers keeping your secrets.
Ari: This means war, Lloyd.
Lloyd: I thought it was war when I sent him shit this morning.
Ari: She's fine with not going, right? She said she's fine.
Lloyd: Fine is not fine, Ari. Not when it comes from a woman's mouth.