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Character Quotes

Scotty Lavin

Scotty: What's up boys?
Drama: What are you doing?
Scotty: You know, I just wanted to see you guys off. Tell Vince good luck. How many times is a guy gonna get married? Four times? Five times tops?

Eric: You know, Scott, this is why I knew not to partner up with you. Because you are a self-centered jerkoff.
Scotty: And this is why, Eric - and I mean this in the nicest possible way - you are a little bitch.

Eric: Who's the last person you signed, Scott? The third ballerina from the left on The Black Swan?
Scotty: Yeah. She got signed and I got sucked.

Eric: Is this guy's deal really that bad?
Scotty: Yes. Andrew Dice Clay is almost paying the network to allow him to come to work.

Eric: You look awful.
Drama: Of course I do. I haven't slept in days. Dice won't let me.
Scotty: You should get separate beds.

Scotty: Did you girls come together? If not, you want to?

Drama: This is gonna be a sober party. Even the fake shit's gotta go.
Scotty: Yeah, but who's actually coming?
Drama: You know any sober people?
Scotty: Of age?

Scotty: Scott, listen, I am going to pick up Vince with Drama and Turtle. And that's it.
Eric: Okay. Well, Vince thinks I'm coming, too, okay? So I can follow behind you like a fucking jerkoff, or I can get in the car with you like a human being.

Scotty: Listen to me. You can't not want to sign everybody that wants to fuck Sloan, because everybody wants to fuck Sloan.

Scotty: Are we still not talking?
Eric: Go fuck yourself.
Scotty: Wanna email me that so I don't forget it?

Scotty: Vince, these porn girls... even if they seem like they are okay, they're actually broken. All of them. You know? And I don't think you can give her money in order to control her. You'll probably send her off on an anal bang bender just to prove you wrong.

Turtle: We made out all night.
Scotty: You made out all night where? At the freshman dance?

Scotty: God, I bet her ass sings opera.

Scotty: Your brother's the John McEnroe of ping pong.

Scotty: Are you really worried that I'm going to steal your client?
Eric: He's not just my client. He's my best friend since I'm five years old.
Scotty: Oh, so you're worried I'm going to steal your best friend. You can't compete with me there, Eric! I'm way more fun than you are! I'm single! You are old and an almost-married man. Let youth be served.

Scotty: Jesus fucking Christ, Eric. Don't be afraid to knock. Okay? Sometimes I like to start my day off with a nice whack.
Eric: You have a glass office.
Scotty: Yeah, I mentally block that out.

Scotty: Truth be told, I'd suck herpes out of a girl's ass for you.

Eric: You want to help? Read a script for Johnny Chase.
Scotty: Ha. I'd rather have my asshole waxed.