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Character Quotes

Scotty Lavin

Scotty: Are we still not talking?
Eric: Go fuck yourself.
Scotty: Wanna email me that so I don't forget it?

Scotty: Did you girls come together? If not, you want to?

Eric: Who's the last person you signed, Scott? The third ballerina from the left on The Black Swan?
Scotty: Yeah. She got signed and I got sucked.

Eric: Murray said that this whole place is kind of like a team thing, so...
Scotty: Yeah! It is! And like any team, you got LeBron James who makes $120 million, then you've got a jerkoff who's on a ten-day contract. Whichever one of those you think you're gonna be, neither steals the ball from the other.

Eric: You want to help? Read a script for Johnny Chase.
Scotty: Ha. I'd rather have my asshole waxed.

Scotty: Are you really worried that I'm going to steal your client?
Eric: He's not just my client. He's my best friend since I'm five years old.
Scotty: Oh, so you're worried I'm going to steal your best friend. You can't compete with me there, Eric! I'm way more fun than you are! I'm single! You are old and an almost-married man. Let youth be served.

Scotty: Vince, these porn girls... even if they seem like they are okay, they're actually broken. All of them. You know? And I don't think you can give her money in order to control her. You'll probably send her off on an anal bang bender just to prove you wrong.

Scotty: Listen to me. You can't not want to sign everybody that wants to fuck Sloan, because everybody wants to fuck Sloan.

Scotty: Scott, listen, I am going to pick up Vince with Drama and Turtle. And that's it.
Eric: Okay. Well, Vince thinks I'm coming, too, okay? So I can follow behind you like a fucking jerkoff, or I can get in the car with you like a human being.

Drama: This is gonna be a sober party. Even the fake shit's gotta go.
Scotty: Yeah, but who's actually coming?
Drama: You know any sober people?
Scotty: Of age?

Eric: You look awful.
Drama: Of course I do. I haven't slept in days. Dice won't let me.
Scotty: You should get separate beds.

Eric: Is this guy's deal really that bad?
Scotty: Yes. Andrew Dice Clay is almost paying the network to allow him to come to work.

Eric: You know, Scott, this is why I knew not to partner up with you. Because you are a self-centered jerkoff.
Scotty: And this is why, Eric - and I mean this in the nicest possible way - you are a little bitch.

Scotty: Murray said we were absorbing the Murphy Group, so I was expecting at least a trifecta.
Eric: Well, it's just me.
Scotty: Hmm. That's a weird fuckin name then, isn't it?

Scotty: What's up boys?
Drama: What are you doing?
Scotty: You know, I just wanted to see you guys off. Tell Vince good luck. How many times is a guy gonna get married? Four times? Five times tops?

Eric: What do you know?
Scotty: That she keeps it movin, baby. She gets around.
Eric: She gets around, Scott? What are you saying? Have you been with her?
Scotty: No. Not my style. The girl's like a Petri dish.

Scotty: Look who finally has time to show up at his own office.
Eric: When you represent a movie star, Scott, we'll see how much time you have.
Scotty: Excuse me, are you implying that Chris O'Donnell is not a movie star? Because I will tell him and he will kick your ass.

Scotty: Truth be told, I'd suck herpes out of a girl's ass for you.