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Character Quotes


Turtle: What can you do on the price?
Realtor: You haven't even asked what the price is yet.
Turtle: I'm sure I need it reduced.

Vince: I can't tell if the script sucks or if it's just I got the sound of a jet engine in my head.
Turtle: Nah, Vince, G5s whisper quiet.

Eric: Did you get the trades?
Turtle: Right here, boss. Just warning you - it ain't pretty.
Vince: Oh, really?
Turtle: Fucking prick called you a thespian.

Drama: Hey, you remember? The Orange County Register said I was a functioning retard. Now that was a bad review.
Turtle: I thought that was a compliment.

Turtle: Fuck the fuckin Mercedes, Vince. What are you, a soccer mom?

Turtle: Hack's got a mortgage broker, E. Says money's real cheap now.
Eric: This guy's talkin out of his ass. Do you even know what that means?
Turtle: Not really, but if Hack says it, it must be good.

Drama: It's a new recipe. Tofu spirulina scramble. It's delish. Taste it.
Turtle: Smells like dog shit scramble.

Turtle: Yo, you think she'll bring other hotties with her?
Eric: Why would she?
Turtle: Cause, E, hotties roll in packs, baby.

Turtle: I don't know about the afterlife but this life is sweet.

Turtle: Where'd you meet her, Drama? Barry Bonds' hearing?

Turtle: Online's even better. You get the small talk out of the way so when they show up, they're good to go.
Eric: Name one girl you ever pulled off the internet.
Turtle: There's all sorts of confidentiality agreements with these sites, all right? I ain't tellin you shit.

Drama: Yo, you cats goin to see Head On?
Moviegoer: Nah, man, we're goin to see that talking squirrel thang.
Turtle: Fuck that movie, I saw it this morning. The mother squirrel dies in the end. See Head On.

Drama: I don't trust that New Age bullshit.
Turtle: Me neither. Even if it is attached to an ass like that.

Turtle: E, I need a hundee, bro. This girl's gonna jerk me in the back.
Eric: No.
Turtle: Come on! Drama won't lend me money if it's for sexual acts.

Turtle: My mother would rather be dead than have you stay with us.

Vince: Johnny, what's up with you and the legs?
Turtle: He thinks his are too thin.
Drama: I'm reading for Point Dume tomorrow... I'm a little stressed.
Turtle: I'd be more concerned about your face, Drama.

Eric: I'm not miserable. I'm pissed I got stuck with a $400 hotel room.
Vince: Ohh... Peninsula has a 24-hour cancellation policy.
Turtle: You should at least go jerk off on the bed, man. I mean, if you gotta pay for it...

Drama: You guys wouldn't go to the mansion without me... right...?
Turtle: Hey, don't worry. We'll bring you back a playmate doggie bag.