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Character Quotes


Turtle: Seriously, E. If this one breaks your heart, just kill yourself so we don't have to hear about it.
Drama: I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you.

Eric: Look, I had a connection with this girl. So, what, she's just gonna flip to Vince?
Turtle: You have a 25-mile lead in a marathon. Once Vince laces up his shoes, it's over.

Drama: Vince, let's do a Tarantino movie. He can revive me like he did for Travolta.
Turtle: It'd be more like reviving Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington.

Drama: Nobody takes cabs in LA, Turtle.
Turtle: That's cause no one can figure out what color they are. I mean they got blue ones, green ones, red ones, white ones...
Drama: You know what? Fuck a city where the cabs aren't monochromatic yellow.

Saigon: That is why y'all here, right? You wanna manage me?
Drama: Not me. I've got my own flourishing career to manage.
Detailer: Yeah? What you do?
Turtle: He just tries to act like he's not retarded.

Eric: You think I'm buying a watch for your fucking client?
Turtle: No, you're paying for a gift for me. What I choose to do with it after that, that's my business.

Eric: I guess Ari's really done at the agency. Says here security escorted him out.
Drama: Oh, man, I hope this doesn't affect my status over there.
Turtle: I'm sure you're still their least important client, Drama. Don't worry.

Vince: Let me ask you a question: what's so special about these two, huh?
Turtle: These two will fuck us if we take them, guaranteed.
Vince: How do you know?
Turtle: Because they said, "if you take us, we'll fuck you."

Eric: Who's he got up there, anyway?
Turtle: Don't get nervous but I think it's one of those Aileen Wuornos types he met at an inter-prison mingler.

Drama: That's not necessary, Dom. I do the cooking around here.
Turtle: Giving us food poisoning gives Drama a reason to live.

Turtle: The girl was cold.
Drama: Ice cold.
Eric: Why? Because you guys couldn't close?
Turtle: Couldn't close... she said she doesn't date. Brad Pitt couldn't close her.

Turtle: I know you're not a big porn guy, but the innovations since the DVD are pretty amazing. Remember back in the day you'd be tuggin it and they'd cut to a closeup of the guy's face and you wanted to kill yourself? Never again. Multi-angles.

Vince: E, I don't know what you're obsessing about.
Eric: Well she thinks I'm a freak.
Turtle: You hit her with the unsolicited snuggle. You are a freak.

Eric: Have I ever said "no" to Vegas?
Turtle: Be like saying "no" to a blowjob.

Turtle: You shoulda partnered up with me, Ari. I'm up $1,200. I get to two grand, I'm keepin it stashed to buy me a high-class ho.
Vince: But Turtle, I already gave you $10,000.
Turtle: I only pay for pussy with profits.

Turtle: This is a tough competition, girls. And what, with the $25,000 prize, everybody needs an edge. Fortunately for you, I left my integrity back in Los Angeles. My vote is 100% for sale.

Drama: How relaxed do I look?
Turtle: Yeah. You look like you died in 1983.

Turtle: That's Amber. Country girl. Promised me three days in her father's cabin in Montana if she wins.
Vince: Turtle, I know it's a stripper contest, but I can't pick someone because she promised to fuck you.
Turtle: I don't care who wins. I cut deals with all of em!