Justine: I think I want you to be my first.
Justine: Yeah, but you're really gonna have to work for it.
Vince: Work? Come on. I got into this business so I don't have to work.
Realtor: Craftsmans are very hot right now, Vince. I just sold one to that actor from Smallville.
Vince: Where's Smallville?
Vince: No way I'm gonna be on a seventy foot screen looking like an underwater Elton John.
Turtle: We accidentally crossed swords.
Vince: Really? Were there any women there at least?
Turtle: Yeah, dick, it was a threesome, okay? It's no biggie. Crossing is an occupational hazard.
Turtle: I'm hungry.
Vince: Me too.
Turtle: Should I try to make us something?
Vince: Not that hungry.
Tom: I feel bad taking this money from you, Vince. Especially since you played pretty good.
Vince: Don't sweat it, Tom. I just got paid four million to do the voiceover of a dog.
Eric: You bought a motorcycle?
Vince: Don't worry, E. I made sure to get one with airbags.
Eric: So what are you saying? You want me to make your decisions for you?
Vince: I don't know, I can't decide.
Vince: Look, breaking up is painful. That's why I never do it. I mean why hurt someone when you can just let it drag on forever?
Shauna: Fuck spontaneity. Well-dressed, well-prepared... that's what makes you a star.
Vince: You wanna write that down for me just in case I forget?
Jimmy Kimmel: So, let's talk about the movie. It comes out this weekend...
Vince: I don't wanna talk about the movie.
Jimmy Kimmel: You don't wanna talk about the movie...
Vince: Well, it's a mystery. I wouldn't wanna give anything away.
Eric: What if they want you to sign something?
Vince: Come on, E. Who forges my signature better than you?
Eric: I think we should go to dinner before the party. There's some stuff I wanna talk to you about.
Vince: Some stuff? What do you mean "stuff?" Sounds weird.
Eric: Nah, it's nothing weird.
Vince: Listen, E. You're not coming out of the closet, are you? Cause you know I like long legs.
Vince: You're telling me you're willing to fuck up our friendship? If this doesn't work out, there's no turning back. My best friend I can't fire, but my manager... is replaceable.
Eric: Yeah, that's a chance I'm willing to take.
Vince: Yeah, at 5% of me I'd take that chance too.
Eric: 10%. Plus health insurance.
Turtle: Vince, does his new title allow him to yell at me all the time?
Vince: Yeah, that was in his deal. Sorry.
Vince: You know what I think? I think I would rather quit the business than to do more shit that I don't love. I mean, I've done that. You know what, and it sucks. You know, I was only partially joking about Neil LaBute, Ari. I'll go do a play. I'd rather do a play than this bullshit. Don't forget I came from nothing, and as much as I love all the toys, I really don't need them.
Vince: Look... you tell someone you cheated if you want to break up with them. Otherwise it's just a selfish way to get rid of your own guilt.
Turtle: Well said, Vince.
Alan: We want you in the Warner family, Vince.
Vince: I'm all about family, John. In fact, after seeing your 200 foot yacht in last month's Robb Report, can I call you "Dad?"