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Character Quotes

Vincent Chase

Turtle: We accidentally crossed swords.
Eric: Eww.
Vince: Really? Were there any women there at least?
Turtle: Yeah, dick, it was a threesome, okay? It's no biggie. Crossing is an occupational hazard.

Turtle: I'm hungry.
Vince: Me too.
Turtle: Should I try to make us something?
Vince: Not that hungry.

Tom: I feel bad taking this money from you, Vince. Especially since you played pretty good.
Vince: Don't sweat it, Tom. I just got paid four million to do the voiceover of a dog.

Justine: I think I want you to be my first.
Vince: Really?
Justine: Yeah, but you're really gonna have to work for it.
Vince: Work? Come on. I got into this business so I don't have to work.

Eric: You bought a motorcycle?
Vince: Don't worry, E. I made sure to get one with airbags.

Realtor: Craftsmans are very hot right now, Vince. I just sold one to that actor from Smallville.
Vince: Where's Smallville?

Vince: No way I'm gonna be on a seventy foot screen looking like an underwater Elton John.

Vince: Johnny, you've got to stop drinking. You've been going for sixteen straight hours.
Drama: So have you.
Vince: Yeah, but I'm happy drinking.

Vince: I mean, do I like, owe you money now?
Staci: Don't be an asshole, Vince. I'm not a hooker.
Vince: Good. Because I've never paid for sex and I'm not looking to start. Although you'd be worth every penny.

Vince: You may wanna work on calling Emily back. She left three messages.
Eric: Yeah? What am I gonna say? I'm an idiot? I shouldn't have promised you the print of a movie I can't get?
Vince: I like the idiot part.

Ari: Chaing Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong. Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from.
Vince: Cool. Guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best.

Vince: As long as the interpreter wasn't making up her own stuff, this guy's got an interesting vision.

Vince: I don't know what it's called.
Eric: That's what it's called. It's called a Cartier Love Bracelet.
Turtle: Does this mean that Vince and Amanda are in love?
Vince: No, it means E knows way too much about jewelry.

Turtle: I thought you killed it today.
Vince: Killed it? I was basically moving scenery.
Eric: You've got two big scenes coming up that he's not in so you can make up for it.
Vince: He'll probably jump out of a tree and steal those lines, too.

Scotty: What does E say?
Vince: I don't think Eric Murphy's rules of dating apply to a porn star.

Turtle: Are we gonna go cash this?
Vince: Not now. We're on our way to Malibu.
Drama: Malibu? I booked a massage.
Vince: So cancel it. I'll have Turtle give you a rubdown with some Bain de Soleil.

Vince: What are you guys leaving me with that crazy mother for?
Turtle: Looked like you were having fun.
Vince: Lady was nuts. Told me she wanted to take me home and keep me.
Drama: Total lawlessness out here.

Vince: When did you become such a pussy?
Eric: 4-H Camp. '85. You don't remember that? I almost drowned in the undertow.
Vince: Oh yeah? The lake had an undertow?