Episode Quotes

S02E01, The Boys Are Back in Town

Turtle: I mean what kind of girlfriend won't come see you while you're away working?
Eric: The kind of girlfriend that's in school.
Turtle: I went to school, all right? How hard is it to cut out on that shit?
Eric: Not that hard when you're headed for a GED, Turtle.

Turtle: You know, you act like a priest for three months, the least a girl could do is service you.
Vince: That is a little selfish, E.
Drama: Had I shown up and Kristen was missing a leg I still would have taken care of business.

Drama: A bigwig like Ari should have a hot assistant to look at.
Vince: Johnny, some people probably think he is hot.
Drama: Yeah, well I ain't one of them people.

Ari: You like Gaysian Lloyd? He's cute, right? And he covers two quotas.
Eric: What, did you fire Emily?
Ari: I had to, E. To make sure that you wouldn't fuck another one of my assistants. You're not going to try to fuck Lloyd, are ya?

Adam: Your headshots... they're setting us back.
Drama: I've had those shots since '92. They've been great. What's the problem?
Adam: The problem is people get annoyed when they expect to see a 24-year-old.

Eric: We know what we want to do next.
Ari: What? The fuckin Belt Parkway?

Ari: I'll get into it but I'm also deep into Aquaman. I've got a lunch meeting with Dana Gordon.
Eric: Well, should I be there?
Ari: Uh... no. Unless you want to pull up her car or serve us some sort of creme brulee or something.

Vince: Just go easy on him. He's having a rough day.
Ari: What's wrong, E? What happened?
Vince: He's not getting any.
Ari: Oh no. You kidding me? Want me to get Lloyd in here and have him Hara-Kiri you his pecker or no?

Turtle: Vince, does his new title allow him to yell at me all the time?
Vince: Yeah, that was in his deal. Sorry.

Shauna: You sound like a fuckin moron, you know that?
Eric: Yeah, thanks, Shauna. You know, it's weird. Your eyes, they look black in this light.

Eric: Tom Cruise is gonna play Pablo Escobar? Come on, the guy's not even Hispanic.
Ari: Yeah and Hilary Swank has a vagina and she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.

Ari: This town is littered with the trashed careers of the "once upon a time" movie stars. Don't let our boy be a cautionary tale.

Gary: I conceptualized this when I was on a walkabout in the Badlands and I stumbled on this briar patch of berries. And I ate every berry I could see because I thought that would be nurturement from the earth to me.

Ari: Okay. Here's an offer... for you to star in a new Olsen twins movie. It's a love triangle in which little Mary-Kate and Ashley use you as an experiment to see if you can actually tell if they are two separate, distinct people. This would be mildly amusing if the producer didn't think he had a realistic shot of getting you.

Vince: You know what I think? I think I would rather quit the business than to do more shit that I don't love. I mean, I've done that. You know what, and it sucks. You know, I was only partially joking about Neil LaBute, Ari. I'll go do a play. I'd rather do a play than this bullshit. Don't forget I came from nothing, and as much as I love all the toys, I really don't need them.