Episode Quotes

S02E04, An Offer Refused

Drama: I think we should turn the pool to face south. Very Feng Shui.
Shauna: Will you just let the professionals handle this stuff, Drama?
Drama: Shauna, obviously you never saw my condo.
Shauna: No, but I'm picturing lots of leopard sheets and leather.

Drama: You know, you should go easy on me, Shauna. I'm going in for surgery.
Shauna: Surgery? Are you okay?
Drama: It's elective. I'd rather not talk about it.
Turtle: He's having his botched adult circumcision corrected.

Billy: Guess what?
Eric: What? You finally showered?

Eric: Is he decent?
Lloyd: Eric, I'll deny I said this, but no, he's not decent. He's an awful human being.

Ari: You know The Station Agent, Eric?
Eric: Yeah.
Ari: Monster fuckin hit at Sundance. Did you see it? It's about the midget who lives by the train tracks. The last time I saw him he was in a FedEx commercial. They were overnighting him to London.

Eric: You'll never give me credit for anything, will you?
Ari: You got me. Are you kidding? Sundance, it's... it's a great festival for little people. You should kill over there. But for the rest of us normal folk, it's just a chance to try to fuck a Mormon.

Drama: Mieles are awesome, Vince. They go from 0 to 400 degrees in four seconds. And they have a roast probe, which is nice to have.
Eric: Yeah... how have we lived this long without a roast probe?

Eric: Do you really think we need a shark, Vince?
Turtle: Yes. We do, E. And we should consider getting some lobsters too. We get bored of em, Drama can throw em in that new oven we're getting him.

Eric: Lloyd, it's Eric Murphy. I need to talk to Ari.
Lloyd: Eric, he told me if I disturbed him he'd chop me up Benihana style.

Mrs. Ari: I ask for one hour out of the day for his undivided attention. And I can't even have that.
Ari: You can have it if you wanna live in Agoura fucking Hills. And go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, and you want a country club membership, and you want nine weeks a year at a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday!

Ari: Tell her assistant if she does not call me back, I will fuck her worse than I did in Cabo in '92.

Ari: What the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?

Ari: Dana, I love you. And if I wasn't married I'd take you back to Cabo with me.
Dana: Yeah, it wasn't Cabo, Ari. It was a Red Roof Inn in Rosarito.
Ari: Well it sure felt like Cabo to me, Dana.

Drama: Billy! Yo, am I gonna be happy with myself in the cut?
Billy: Happiness is a state of mind, Johnny. Now, uh... let me get your place. I like your girl better, okay?