Shauna: It says, "Vincent Chase swims into Aquaman." Clever, huh? And they got his picture side-by-side with Jeffrey Katzenberg so it looks even more gorgeous by comparison.
Eric: How can they print that? It's not even true.
Ari: Oh, come on. Variety's like a high school paper. They pay their writers twenty-eight grand a year to find out something to write about the popular kids.
Turtle: Yo, E. This is Vince's first cover, I think. Good job, baby.
Drama: Yeah, E. You're en feugo. I may want you to start managing me soon. Why haven't you asked to manage me yet?
Turtle: He's waiting for your new legs to come in, Drama.
Drama: Speaking of which, are you going to give me cash or Vince's black card cause there's a couple more things I might need.
Eric: What do you wanna do now, Drama? Do you wanna get your ears pinned back?
Drama: No, I'm gonna need a new set of kitchen knives, dickface. These blades are for shit. You know Vince likes his tomatoes sliced paper-thin.
Bob: I just got divorced. Ex-wife got the house in the Palisades. No biggie. I got four other houses. I don't give a shit.
Bob: Who do you think's more recognizable, you or me?
Turtle: I live three doors down from the cast of America's Next Top Model and I ain't gettin laid? It's the worst cold streak ever.
Eric: Turtle, a cold streak implies that you were once hot.
Vince: Go easy on em, E, come on. Even A-Rod goes on a bad run sometimes.
Drama: Yeah, but even when A-Rod's slumpin, he's still gettin pussy.
Ari: What the fuck are you wearing?
Lloyd: I'm trying out new looks. This one's my Andre 3000. You like?
Ari: No I don't. You look like Michelle Kwan in drag. Why don't you do a triple fuckin axel over to the phone and try Cameron again?
Ari: I want you to pass this message along to Dana. Tell her that I still have the pictures from Cancun. Tell her that I'm going to start a website. I'm gonna take a full-page ad out in the LA Times advertising it. Tell her it will be called imahollywoodexecutivewhore dot com and that no password or fee will be required. Tell her I want a fucking callback.
Ari: Emily! I totally forgot that you work over there, how are you?
Emily: I am good, Ari.
Ari: I'm amazing. You miss me?
Emily: Like I miss head lice.
Ari: Listen, Emily, honey... what do you know about Aquaman?
Emily: That he fights crime underwater. Bye, Ari.
Drama: Turtle, if you can't get laid here, turn your dick in.
Ari: Amazing you're still showing up at school like this. Won't let the nanny do it? Whatever they're paying you, it's not enough.
Dana: All right, what are you doing here, Ari? This is really not a good time.
Ari: Okay, fine. When is a good time? Tonight at your house? We'll invite your husband, have a little slideshow.
Bob: I flew in this stuff from Colombia on my own private jet. Sandinistas don't know shit about overthrowing a government but I'll tell ya, they sure do grow some fine herb.
Vince: I mean, do I like, owe you money now?
Staci: Don't be an asshole, Vince. I'm not a hooker.
Vince: Good. Because I've never paid for sex and I'm not looking to start. Although you'd be worth every penny.