Mrs. Ari: How come anytime I ask you to take a day off you can't but your little pledge brother comes to visit and you clear your calendar?
Ari: Because every time you ask I have a really important meeting. Just luck of the draw, baby.
Drama: This is gonna be sweet.
Eric: Yeah, if you don't overact.
Drama: Please. Like Sandy Meisner always said to me - through the pages of his books, of course - "be in the moment."
Drama: The real key to these things, Turtle, is to go down with some dignity. And to not disgrace the good Chase name by whimpering... like Justin Timberlake did when he got Punk'd.
Turtle: Like you didn't cry when the IRS seized your condo.
Drama: What a man does in the sanctity of his own home is his business, Turtle. What he does on national TV... is the nation's.
Mrs. Ari: If that's what you want, Ari, it's not too late.
Ari: Over ten years of marriage and no prenup? I think it's a little past too late.
Vince: We had sex... once. That's it. It wasn't emotional and now it's over.
Eric: It wasn't emotional? You guys were like a bad Meg Ryan movie in there.
Eric: Why would Chuck Liddell want to kill you?
Drama: Because the universe hates this current wave of success I'm having.
Scott: I got the new Bentley GT now.
Laurie: He bought me one too for Hanukkah.
Ari: Bentleys, huh? That pension plan must be really paying off over at Hooters.
Ari: We should just tell them to go to a hotel. I mean, they can afford it.
Mrs. Ari: What a difference six hours makes. When I said that, you said it's only one night. "Shit, you could do that in a Mexican jail and come out almost as clean as you went in," I believe was the quote.
Ari: I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but ever since you got here, I have not been able to take my eyes off your ass. I mean, it is - it's the perfect shape! It's like God came down, hand-crafted it, put it on a little silver tray, and hand-delivered it to my man Scotty.