S04E02, The First Cut is the Deepest
Drama: Don't tell me to calm down, Turtle. Someone's in my bathroom and I wanna know how they got in there.
Turtle: Don't look at me.
Drama: Don't look at you? That's a nickel-plated Master Lock with hardened-steel shackles. It's impossible to get in there without a combo.
Turtle: Maybe David Copperfield's in there.
Turtle: So is it like the movie? You know, where the girls make you do all sorts of crazy things to get into the sorority?
Sorority Girl: Oh yeah. They didn't let us sleep for 24 hours on initiation night.
Turtle: No, I meant like crazy sexual things.
Mrs. Ari: Well do you think it's his reading?
Ari: I know it is. We don't do enough of it.
Mrs. Ari: Well, I try.
Ari: A little less Grey's Anatomy, a little more Goodnight Moon, perhaps.
Turtle: You are ruining this party, Drama.
Drama: By stopping 200 people from shitting on my toilet? I don't think I'm ruining anything.
Turtle: Who shits at a party?
Drama: Well, even just piss. What do drunk people do? They piss and they miss. That's imported Italian limestone in there. It's porous and it's not getting pissed on.
Drama: There's going to be a sign right there that says "no shoes" and a basket right there to house them.
Turtle: You might want to get a sign and a basket for bras cause these sorority girls sound kinda freaky.
Mrs. Ari: What a smug bitch. I mean, just sitting there with that stupid look on her stupid fucking face!
Ari: Baby, the cursing, we're at the school.
Mrs. Ari: Well, I'm sorry. I'm upset!
Ari: No, no... it's kinda hot. I like it.
Billy: What, does Turtle check your balls for lipstick when you get home or something?
Ari: Wow. Cuttin the old fashion way, huh?
Billy: Why fuck a woman with a vibrator when you've got a dick, right, Suit?
Vince: What, no one's going to hire me until they see Medellin?
Ari: I wouldn't say no one. You could play Jughead in the new Archie live action.
Vince: I think I'm more of a Reggie.