S04E08, Gary's Desk
Ari: How can one embryo produce two fucking losers?!
Jeff: Ari, what's the problem?
Ari: The problem is you're a disgusting mutant. Now go reconjoin with your brother on the unemployment line.
Shauna: Where's my fucking kid?
Christy: He threw up on me.
Shauna: Relax, Christy. I'm sure he's not the first guy to puke on you.
Ari: You fucked his wife? Did you pretend to be him or did she actually fuck you thinking you were you?
Jim: You think this is funny?
Ari: No, I think it's disgusting! I'm just - I'm trying to figure out why she did that. I mean, if I were to cheat on my wife, it would be with a busty blonde or an Asian with pointy nipples. But an exact fucking replica?
Ari: Like the new office number, E. You know it spells 274-COCK?
Eric: It does not!
Ari: No, it doesn't, but I made you look.
Drama: Wonder if De Niro ever fucked on this desk?
Turtle: Hmm. I don't know, Drama. Why don't you, uh, lean over and sniff it for ball wax?
Turtle: Can I go on record and say that when I get an office, I want my gift to be a plasma?
Drama: Can I go on the record and say by the time you get an office, plasmas will have gone the way of the 8-track?
Ari: I need positivity today, Jim.
Jim: But Ari, I can't work in the same building with him.
Ari: Jeter and A-Rod let their dicks fly in the same locker room and they hate each other.
Vince: Is this going to be your desk?
Eric: Yeah, for now.
Drama: No, no, no. A working man needs a real desk. A sturdy desk. One that can support a good fuck.
Turtle: What do you need an office for, anyway? I don't get it.
Eric: You didn't get the concept of having a job until you were 25, Turtle, so I wouldn't expect you to.